he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
