i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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