I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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