Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
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