you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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