I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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