Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
