Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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