Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
