The maid of honor just puked.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
