Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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