That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
