i already hear my dad disowning me
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
True strength comes from lack of pants
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
