Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
