ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
