also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
