The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
