I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
