Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
