There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
