It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
