listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
