do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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