sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
