TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
