i permit you to call me
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
