oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
