I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
