What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
