I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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