I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
