I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
youre lurking in front of me
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
