dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize