I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
