Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
