What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
