True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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