Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
