I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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