I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
