I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
