i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We had to coat check the pizza.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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