dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
