Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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