i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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