I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
