I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
