my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
