some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
