it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
