Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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